Destroy a house and enjoy the chaos.

This could be a short series of posts. I might crack up on day 1, which is 5th November. We have woodworm, which means floor out, so why not go for underfloor heating? And while we are at it, let’s have an airsource heat pump.

A beautiful house set to be destroyed, and then reassembled.

Total cost, around £21000, half I will get back from the government. Time taken – 2 to 3 weeks. We will have to move out, which will be odd, living around the corner, and the furniture goes into storage around another corner.

We will visit daily and commiserate with our poor house of 40 years.

The woodworm of course is just revenge for not paying for things – stealing, in other words. It wasn’t me who was the thief. I wasn’t alive, but back in history wood was stolen from far eastern forests and electricity meters mounted on planks made from it. They were woodworm infested and now most old houses where I live are too.

‘Get it treated!’ I hear.

I did. And it was guaranteed for 30 years. Be warned. It’s an insurance scam. The chemicals are only good for 7 years and the insurance company hopes we have lost the documentation by the time we notice, say 15 years later.

Watch this space for progress and relive my pain of going green.

I wonder what holds the bay up.

Another yarn. A friend living round another corner, had to have her floorboards removed and the plumber found, bones. The police were involved and after forensic investigation were found to be bovine.

So how do cow bones get under floorboards. Parts of her house are 400 years old, so we will never know.

Where does mindfulness come in? Have a woodworm infested house and see if you are not mindful.

Published by Clive La Pensée

Clive La Pensée, ex-science teacher, recognised writer on history of beer, novelist, expressionist, dreamer, believer in never giving up, empathiser, hopeful for a future without class, gender or racial prejudice. It's tough and at the moment, one has to remember distance travelled, rather than where we are at.

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